I'm Still Here- A Dez FanFiction
by TechnoBeat1D
Summary: Based off the song "I'm Still Here" by John Reznik, because every action has a reason, and there is always more to a character than meets the eye.


**I listened to the song "I'm Still Here" by John Reznik a few times, and suddenly realized that every character was more than what they seemed, and I think Dez of all charcters, needed a bit more credit.**

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My name is Dez. I'm sixteen years old. I've always wondered what it would be like to be a normal kid, with a normal family, and no one that judged me. I'm sort of rebellious, but only on the inside. I also don't listen to anyone else but myself, because I've realized that if I really take other people's words to heart, I'm the one who will get hurt in the end. I've never been in love, and probably never will be. In all truth, I question myself as a person. I'm a question to the world, and I'll never be who they want me to be.

Yeah, I have friends, but not many. They like me for who I am, but they don't know who I really am. I may be carefree, crazy, and pretty stupid on the outside, but on the inside, I'm tough, and hard as a rock. I keep it all inside, all of the things that will never be right about me, myself, and I. They don't see it, they never will, because I hide behind that crazy image that is Dez.

I've been shunned from the world, really, but those people, they can't take me and throw me away. How am I supposed to learn what isn't shown? I just hope that someday, it all will go away. I stand alone, mostly because no one bothers to know me except for the few friends I have. Most people think I'm just to happy, some think I'm a dork. They say that they should send me back to kindergarten, because they think I'm a boy, but no, I'm a man. They just don't see that, because I hide under my image, hoping that someday all my doubts will soon be lifted from my shoulders.

I'm insecure, can't they see that? No, they don't. They just see Dez, but they don't see me, because I'm not here. Honestly, I wish I could feel it all, the way other people do, be carefree for a day, be like the person they all think I am. I want a moment of reality, a moment to touch the little things that I can't feel. To feel like I, well, belong. Yeah, if only I could belong, then they would see, then they could accept me.

Directing is something I've always loved to do, to just get everything else off of my mind. Just like Ally writes, Austin sings, and Trish… yells. But it's not the same, I don't let go in the same way they do, too much is wrong for me to really let go. It's so different, knowing that I'm different. I still don't understand how the world could want me to change? I mean, they're the ones who stay the same. But then again, I'm still not real; I'm not real enough to be an answer to the Earth.

I wish there was someone, who could see the thing that no one ever sees, someone who really gets what I'm going through and wants me for me, someone that wants everything that I could be. I wish that they could know me, that I could tell them who I am. That there was maybe just a single soul out there like would get it, that could make them all see that I was a man, not some crazy, dim-whit of a dork. And yet, they can't break me. They never will. I'll just keep hiding until someone sees that as long as I know who I am, nothing more will work. I want to be like Dez, not this depressed person locked up inside of me and controlled by the cage that holds him back from escaping. I just want to hold on to who I am.

They can no longer tell me who to be. I won't let them, I'm strong on the inside, just not how they see it, because I'm not who I seem to be in the end. I'm hopeful that I'll change someday. Except for, maybe this is all because the world keeps on sleeping, while I keep on dreaming for me, for my own helplessness, for the only reason I haven't broken down yet. Pride. Pride is all I need. Honestly, all of their words are just whispers and lies that I'll never believe.

I guess what I'm saying is that no one is perfect, and I'm not even close, not at all. I'm just shrouded by the person I wish that I could really be. They can't say anything to hurt me anymore, because I won't listen. I won't listen because, I want to be me, not the person that they've twisted and turned into someone different. I may be too crazy, too dumb, and too oblivious. But that's not me; that is what I want to be. And no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want to be gone, to change, I'm still here.

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**So... like? Dislike? This is just my opinion on maybe what Dez really feels. It makes sense in my head lol XD. I guess I just couldn't help but realize that there was always a reason for every action. You guys should listen to the song if you've never heard it before, it's amazing.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Austin & Ally, or the song "I'm Still Here" by John Reznik**


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